This book was sent to me for an honest review. I see reviewers say this all of the time and they receive them from authors yet this is the first request that I have ever received…and probably the last because I may be a bit harsh. Honestly, I don’t want to be. I have struggled and even delayed writing this review because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but in the end, I will do the best that I can without being too critical.
Charlotte Cyprus has the start of a fantastic and wonderful story here. She has created a plot and setting in a different world and even includes a map of her world at the beginning of the book but the writing is a tad too simple. It needs some polishing.
I am not a published author nor have I ever completed writing a book, basically because I am just not that great at it but I know my flaws and understand what prevents me from being a writer or rather, a novelist. This author, of course, surpasses me in all my writing skills by miles and unlike me, she doesn’t go all ADD and get off track but I do see some of my same deficiencies in her writing like how I prefer to write short sentences instead of long, complicated sentences with a lot of fluff aka descriptive adjectives and adverbs but I write a blog and book reviews and you can’t get away with that when writing a fictional novel. The story wouldn’t flow smoothly enough and this story definitely does not have a smooth flow. It feels choppy and lacks sophistication.
I kept wanting to rewrite sentences and paragraphs to make it visually more appealing to me. Everything is about the visual and the emotions for me and making me see and feel what the characters do. If you write about a dog running fast, don’t write, “The dog ran. The dog ran fast.” That doesn’t flow right yet that is just what this author has done throughout the book.
The other thing that bugged me was when the characters talked, the author almost always wrote, “she said” afterwards or “she asked” which is totally unnecessary. Unless you need to use a tone of voice, you can omit those words if it is obvious who said the words. For example, here’s what the author wrote in one conversation:
“Oh, you’re awake,” she said. She dropped a small woven basket to the ground. “Does it hurt still?”
“Only when I move,” Yhonn said. Or poke at it. “How long was I sleeping?”
“Only since yesterday,” the girl said. She shrugged. “Sorry about that. I think I gave you too much for the pain, but I didn’t want you to wake up hurting.”
It could have been written as;
“Oh, you’re awake!” She dropped the small woven basket to the ground. “Does it hurt still? Or “Oh, you’re awake,” she said, dropping the small woven basket to the ground. (It still used the word “said” but flows more smoothly.)
“Only when I move.” Or poke at it. “How long was I sleeping?”
“Only since yesterday,” the girl shrugged. “Sorry about that. I think I gave you too much for the pain, but I didn’t want you to wake up hurting.”
Do you see what I mean? The whole book was written like this…or the part I read. I didn’t finish the book. I couldn’t. It would have taken me too long because the writing was just too amateurish for me and it was driving me crazy. I would read a few pages and then stop because I kept wanting to rewrite it.
I feel bad for the author and apologize if my review hurt any feelings but I had to write my honest opinion.
Oh, and the cover is beautiful.